How to spot a Credit Crunch Boyfriend (CCB)

To begin at the beginning - as is logical - what is a Credit Crunch Boyfriend (CCB)?

Definition: more often than not, works (or worked) in hedge funds, finance more generally, or, in extreme cases - property.

Other uses: to be CCB'd - then boyfriend gets made redundant (via said credit crunch) and hence becomes a CCB, spouse/partner categorically becomes a Credit Crunch Girlfriend (CCG).

How to spot a CCB:

• Cristal to Prosecco - said gentleman starts scaling down at the bar. At first, it's gentle - gradually groping self up the wine list. Thinks he's being subtle by staying fizzy. Feeling the pinch on Prosecco? Things are about to get much much worse come end of redundancy pay. So be thankful. A pint of bitter could be in your delicate hands before you know it. Spot any of above signs and you know for sure you are, or are a soon to be, a CCG.
  
• Dunhill or Golden Virginia - rolling paraphenalia emerges from said male's smartly tailored jacket - rizlas, tobacco, filter tips, the works. Never seen dead with said items before. In extreme cases - said woman starts rolling them on CCB's behalf.
  NB: finding a rolling machine (ouch) is as bad as discovering infidelity, if not worse. Sure sign of sheer incompetence. If at the beginning of a relationship, even worse as could relate to many, as yet, undiscovered flaws and/or inadequacies. Solution: find it endearing/end relationship.
• Culture - finding oneself uncharacteristically partaking in theatrical pursuits, art exhibitions or readings could be at first pleasant but certainly less testing on the wallet than a night out. Not a sure sign of a looming CCB scenario, but paired with above two and you could be on to something.
• Classified - said woman, idly paging through Tatler's classified ads, finds self to her supreme horror - for sale. Yes that's right, CCBs finances have got so bad, he placed CCG on the market - literally. His entreupeneutial instincts know no bounds and are not to be underestimated. Admittedly, this is worst case scenario, but when British insitution is falling apart at the seams crazier things have happened. Forget not, when Per Una cannot save Marks and Spencer, you heard it first from Sweedy Darling.